That was very interesting and I am proud of you to take notice and see that you have a problem. Now that you know, what are you going to do about it? It wont just go away and you can't hide from it and she knows. You can beat around the bush and pretend that all is well, but we do know and once we get all of the signs down pat it is really hard to fool us. We put up with alot of crap because we love you and even that gets old after a while. You should not marry until you have total control and have been sober for a while. If you dont really intend to do the work leave her alone. She deserves better than that! I hope you do get the help and all goes well for you! We all deserve to be happy! Good Luck to you, you can do this if you really want to!