I just got done reading your story and I cant even tell you how much it is like my own. Mine of course has some major twists to it. My husbands other woman was a good friend and neighbor. This woman was in my life on a daily basis, and was very close to me and my children. The other twist is that she was good friends with my best friend who also lived on our block. And she not only was sleeping with my husband, but her husbands too. As a result, she got pregnant, and just found out that it is my friends husbands baby.
There are so many other things involved, that, that alone would make a person leave, but I didnt. Like your husband, mine to was abused as a child. For many years. By a close friend of the family, who was a male. It went on so long that it lasted until he was late in his teen years.
I was aware of this for years before we got married. It was like the "elephant in the room" that never got talked about. I knew that deep down, it was a wedge that came between us, but was never discussed.
Now that the affair is out in the open, he has begged to keep his family together. He started intense therapy for his childhood abuse, and has been told that because of what happened to him as a child is what made him make so many poor choices as an adult.
My compassionate side and phsycological side can understand that, yet my wife and logical side say," for so many years he didnt make that choice, is it an excuse for what he did to me? Does that mean he wasnt aware of how much danger he put himself and children in? Why wasnt he careful? Is his addiction to sex that much, that I will never be able to fill his needs? Will he do it again, even though he knows it is wrong, and he doesnt want to?"
Please tell me how to manage being a spouse to a survivor and wife who is still broken and taking a back seat to a deeper problem.

Broken and confused