I don't even know where to begin.

My wife started her "affair" with someone at work. I discovered it all in emails three months after it began. She swore up and down that it was just fantasy and nothing really happened between them.

I caught her again with the same person in emails two months after that. She swore that was it, it was over for good. Until I caught her a third time just five weeks ago. Yes, same person, yes, in emails.

She has apologized each and every time. But now it's all I think about. Is she still talking to him? Is it really "only" fantasy and emails? She says she doesn't understand why I am doubtful about us, which is mind boggling to me.

It's sick and twisted in alot of ways. He was recovering from eye surgery and couldn't see so he had his brother typing in the dirty emails for him!

So why am I still fighting for this? Some days I'm not sure why. I know I love her a lot, but lately I've been wondering if it's only because I need closure. She won't talk about it and acts like everything is fine and great between us.

Being self employed makes it even worse. I find myself not wanting to work and spending hours at a time just worrying. Even when I have work to do it takes far longer than it should because I am so lethargic.

So, yes, I am still lost and confused and hurt and depressed. I have thought about contacting him many times, but in reality I know that his goal is to split us up and I'm sure that him hearing my pain and anger would only make him happier.

G