G:
Thanks for the response. I don't see my spouse as a sex addict...just a cheater/liar. My spouse is very remorseful but sometimes beats me over the head with the forgiveness thing. I haven't actually gotten though acceptance. Every time I try to just accept the reality of it all, I feel sick to my stomach. I have lost about 45 pounds since all this started (now size 2 is too big!). I don't think my spouse actually had sex with any of these women. The big thing was via internet/texting. I think I will forever hate FACEBOOK which is where all this got started.

Your confirming to me that men experience the same things is reassuring. I feel confused and wonder if my spouse loves me at times because when he says he could forgive so easily. I guess that I feel that my love for him is so very deep and it is confirmed by all the intense pain. If I didn't love him so deeply, then I surely would not hurt like I do. Does that make sense?

I am praying for just one day, to not be plagued with negative thoughts and worry. So far, it hasn't happened but I can be in public again without having a panic attack. I actually felt like people could look at me and know what a sorry wife I must have been.

The anger is what troubles me the most about myself these days. I actually have urges to scream. I have to resist the urge to contact these women and their spouses so they can share the pain. How about you?

My spouse said what attracted him most to me was that I had morals and was an honest person. That I was independent and successful as a professional. That I would never lower my standards, especially if someone could be injured. That I stood up for what I believed in. That I didn't go bar hopping, sleep around, etc.

This whole infidelity thing has left me feeling sorta dirty...These paramours were, frankly, tramps. Many were unemployed, uneducated, unable to maintain any lasting relationships, friendless, and very needy. Some were desparate and have made additional attempts to contact him. Actually, I think that people who spend their time doing this kind of thing on the internet etc. are all pretty desparate souls. I include my spouse in this category as well. I guess it has shaken my self-esteem because I am left feeling like I am even less of a person than they are....competition thing, I guess. Do you feel like you are competing for the affections of your wife, for her approval, for her love and devotion?

Has she ended everything? Is she remorseful? Has she apologized to you yet?
CE