My husband lost his 6 figure pay job to a job less than half the pay. I knew he was experiencing major depression & did every thing I could to encourage, pray, and support him. I went back to work to try and make up some of the difference. Looking back, we both can see that he (or we) should have gotten professional help.

At his new job, a loose woman showed herself very available for sex & he saw that as an opportuntiy to medicate himself & get relief. She flirted with him & gave in off and on for about a year. He became more depressed as he could not understand why he kept going back to a woman who was such a whore & wanted her to leave. He even treated her "like a dog" hoping this would make her leave, as he did not want to lose his job & his family over it, but it didn't work.

Each time he got his high from her, he was let down even deeper soon after with more guilt and remorse & came very close to commiting suicide becasue he could not understand what was happening & wanted it desperately to end it all. He, too, felt like he had every thing at home, like a beautiful wife, children, etc, but the thought of not being able to support and pay for child in college anymore, etc. & afford same life style for his family turned him into this sex maniac to cure his pain. He said fear and shame consumed him, because he knew he believed in God & had let Him down & his family. Honestly, it took a couple of years a so before I believed him. I thought it was all stupid & unexcuseable. I thought it was all hogwash. I said some very cruel and abusive things to him & he just kept coming back humble & willing. I kicked him out the house & let him back in later because of the kids, etc.,but while he was out, he still paid for all household expenses & told me I did not have to work, that he would get another job, etc. When I found out, he had already ended it, but said it took weeks of weeping and praying before God to end his addiction. He said the simple prayers did not work. He kept telling me that it felt like a drug he needed to survive the depression and anger like we need food to satify hunger, but he knew it was wrong. I did some research on sex addiction & depression & found he had all the signs of sex addiction, except for multiple partners, although he admitted he thought about it once when another woman offered herself with no strings attached, but the fear of having another one attached to him & the trouble he was already in, stopped him.

He said he never told her he loved her, nor did he respect her. There was low to zero emotions in the affair & he never complained about his wife or home life to her. He told her their relationship was just sex (period)& he did not love her. He made a huge mistake when he called her by my name a few times, which caused her to fight harder to keep him & take him from me. This should teach all men a lesson---that women who have sex with you on a whim like that knowing you are married are psychos with both spiritual and possibly physical diseases! He even wished she would die. He finally told me every single thing that happened between them, which led to him telling me about emotional pain of abuse from childhood as well. When he was done, he was done. After he dumped her, she'd walk around him taunting him to come back & he turned her down every time. She felt so threatened by me, she left. She would see me come to his job often & it would eat her up.

I would bet that most affairs are a result of sex addiction & not love, even when there are a lot of perceived emotions. The emotions are counterfeit emotions just for the married man to get his fix. In other words, a drug addict will tell you anything to get his hit & so will a cheater. That's why less than 1% leave their wives for the other woman. I believe it's the same for women. They are also seeking to "satisfy" something that was neglected or abused in their childhood brought upon by current stressors. My husband is a totally free man now & he is patiently waiting for me to be free, too. It's been over three years and he is so much happier. He focuses on God, family & then work. He does not take his 2nd chance lightly at all & I continue to fall in love with him again and again.