You’re angry right now … very ANGRY!

It’s understandable. When the person you love and trust most in the world betrays you, lies to you, and cheats on you, the natural response is to feel angry You have every right to your angry feelings. I would be angry too.

Perhaps you find yourself blowing up at your spouse almost every time you see him or her. You feel like you can’t help it. The rage you feel about being betrayed is too much and you explode in a fit of hurtful words and actions.

Perhaps you start unloading on your spouse when he or she does one minor thing that offends you and the offensive behavior sets you into motion—berating your spouse, not just for the current offensive behavior, but for an endless chain of other misbehaviors that may or may not be related. I refer to this as “throwing in the kitchen sink,” or “kitchen-sinking” your partner.

You’ve been betrayed.

Your spouse, the person you once loved and trusted most in the world, took advantage of your confidence and walked all over it leaving you to stew in your sickening feelings of anger, shame, resentment, fear, and maybe even jealousy.

Perhaps your spouse cheated on you, breaking the sacred oath of fidelity that was the foundation of your marriage.

Or maybe your spouse broke faith with you by systematically lying about who he was or what he was doing. Gambling, stealing, drinking excessively, or getting involved in nefarious business dealings are a few examples that come to mind.

Are you “in anger” with your spouse?

Some of you are nodding your heads as you read this,
because you know exactly what I’m talking
about. You’re suffering with this problem, and it’s tearing
your marriage apart.

But for those of you who aren’t completely clear what I mean
by being “in anger,” let me explain.

I have found that when feelings of love die in a marriage,
the person who is no longer “in love” is often “in anger”
instead.

Underlying angry or resentful feelings are present,
and these feelings are tearing the “in love” feelings apart.

This is the second in the series of blogs regarding falling in love. I hope you found the first posting helpful.

(Click here).

Now on to this next blog.

Do you love your spouse?

I don’t mean in some abstract, “I love all people” kind of way. And I’m not asking if you love your spouse like a brother or some other member of your family.

I mean: Do you love your spouse?

Do you feel the passion you had when you first met each other? Do you share a deep connection that runs through your relationship like a powerful current? Is your marriage charged with the electricity of love?

Are you still picking up the pieces of your relationship after the
affair. Has it been months... maybe years without any luck of
any positive change. If you are fighting to fix what has been
broken then I want to tell you a story...

Even though this may sound like a fairy tale, it certainly didn't
start like one.

(I've changed the names, to protect the couple.)

Kevin was manager of a very successful restaurant
and Donna was a nurse. After being married for 17 years, 2 kids
and two very demanding jobs they emotionally grew apart.

Sound familiar?

What made it worse is when Kevin came home and dropped the

Has your spouse done something so horrendous that it has ripped your marriage apart and made you question the very foundation of your relationship?

Are you in a place right now where you are wondering whether or not you can ever forgive this offense and move on with your marriage?

Perhaps your partner has been regularly lying to you about your financial situation, and has put your family in jeopardy by doing so. Maybe he or she verbally attacked you one or more times, and you don’t feel like you can get past the awful words that were spoken.

Or maybe the worst has happened, and your spouse broke your marital vows, had an affair, and crushed you emotionally as a result.

Have you seen your wife flirting with another man and felt your stomach tighten, your jaws clench, and your eyes narrow with an unspeakable rage?

Does the very thought that other women find your husband attractive make you feel like you want to hold on tighter than ever to your man?

Or perhaps you have been through the emotional devastation of an affair, and the images that continue to run through your mind of your spouse with another person make you sick to your stomach.

If you have experienced any of these situations (or countless others like them) you have felt one of the most potentially volatile emotions that a person in an intimate relationship faces …

Sorry for the delay in posting my blog over the last 2 weeks. I am putting together a new project and that has been eating up a lot of my time. Ok onto this weeks blog…

Do you have moments when something your spouse says or does makes you boil over in rage?

Are you angry at how irresponsible your partner is?

Are you seething because you’ve been confronted with an affair?

Anger is a perfectly natural emotion. It’s something all of us deal with from time to time.

And there are plenty of opportunities to feel angry when you’re married. People come into relationships with different backgrounds and different personal agendas, and sometimes these differences cause friction between the two people.

“He seems to be doing all the right things, but he pulled the wool over my eyes before. Are there any signs that tell me whether or not he will cheat on me again?”

Are you haunted by thoughts like this? Do you wake up at night worried that your spouse will cheat again? Do you watch every one of his actions, like a hawk, trying to detect even the smallest sign that he or she is cheating again?

If so, you’re not alone.

You probably want to forgive your spouse. You probably want to “go back to the way things were.” You may even be committed to making your relationship better than it has ever been.

“How do I know he isn’t cheating again? He might be out there with her right now for all I know. If that’s true, I’ll be made a fool of!”

Does this sound familiar to you? Is this a thought that runs through your mind every time you think about your spouse’s affair?

If so, you’re facing one of the most common (and overwhelming) worries that people who are injured by affairs cope with as they try to recover and rebuild their relationships.

You want to forgive your spouse and move on with your life, but you’re terrified that you might be duped again. The possibility exists that your spouse is lying to you (even now),